When News Becomes Personal: Working with Women from Israel

One of the incredible things about working with people in the world is that the news no longer feels far away- it becomes personal, about our friends and loved ones. This experience of the world is incredible. That wall of separation we have where things feel unreal or far away or not about us just collapses. And that is a very good thing. When the news becomes something that touches us – or when we become able to touch the events in the world, we become more a part of things and our participation becomes more urgent.

I have been thinking about the events in Israel this past week. Having worked with the women of Beyond Words for the past few years I feel a very close connection with what is happening. I have learned so much from working with these women. On one level it feels that one of the simplest and at the same time most powerful thing that we as human beings can do is to sit with the “other”, the “enemy” and learn about the ways we are the same. As I have watched these women over the years I have seen the profound shifting that happens in points of view and perspectives as we listen to our enemies. Sometimes I think if everyone in the world did this we would have peace. But here is what is required- we have to sit with deep complexity, discomfort, strong feelings, disagreement, and still be able to hold onto our shared humanity. This is not easy- think about sitting in a room with someone you disagree with strongly, now throw in the energy of oppression, terrorism, death, bombs, fear. The people who do this are true heroines.


Complexity is something I think about a lot these days. If we as a world are going to survive we must develop greater tolerance for the complexity in which we live. There are not easy answers, in fact the need for simple and easy answers is part of the problem. We need to develop the capacity to sit with discomfort and not knowing for long periods of time. We need to be able to see beyond our own life spans into a future that that will be affected by our ability to allow its emergence through our tolerance of the present and service to this future. What an honor to give ourselves over to this.

I have included an e-mail I got from Nitsan, one of the leaders of Beyond Words. It touched me deeply- it touched me because she wrote about herself and also her co-leader Sylvia. Nitsan is Jewish and Sylvia is Arab. I love them both. They remain friends, they listen to each other, they see things differently and yet they know the only way is to stay in connection and listen and care and speak honestly.

It is truly something to do this deep emotional work with these women who process their feelings around war and loss and fear and hate with each other. They are my inspiration and my teachers. I have included here some pictures from our work together as well as a video I took when I was with them in Mobile Alabama. You will see from watching it the joy and aliveness that they have with each other even as they process the conflict they face together. Women laughing and crying with each other as a path to peace; I’m there!

From Nitsan in Israel

From: Nitsan Gordon - Giles MA, Director
The Beyond Words Organization

This last week with the Flotilla event has been agonizing. I am aware of so much -- the truth, the hypocrisy, the different set of values that people use when judging Israel, the immense suffering of the Palestinian people, the suffering of the families of the dead, the pain of the wounded and our own suffering. What hurts the most, though, is looking at ourselves in the mirror that the world is now holding up for us. It does not look good. In fact it looks pretty bad. Owning this part of us, this part of me is so painful.

What I am hoping for is that the criticism we are under now will put more pressure on our leaders to truly pursue peace. I am also seeing the immense need for our work and keep hearing Ann's words about staying in our healing leadership in the presence of strong emotions. We are now surrounded with powerful emotions... from some of the Knesset members who almost hit each other at the Knesset this week to the streets where flags and tires are burning and people are screaming.


On Tuesdays I have a Beyond Words group in Mgrar, Roset and Noha's village with Roset, Kaltoum and several other women.
We spent some time sharing our feelings around this incident. Some women were very upset: " Why couldn't we just let those supplies reach Gaza?" they asked. Or " Was there no other way to stop this boat? What happend to our intelligence? " One woman's husband works at the prisons. He is an Arab Druze. The Muslim prisoners were very upset by what had happened. They started a hunger strike and attacked some of the guards. He was attacked with a knife. She was so upset. Another woman's brother is also an Arab Druze who works as a nurse in a hospital. He took care of some of the wounded from the flotilla who were rushed there. On his way home he passed through an Arab town where his car was attacked by very angry men. "But I am an Arab" he shouted at them, but that did not stop them from breaking his windows and scratching his car.

My Arab Palestinian friend and colleague Silvia speaks for many others when she keeps asking "How can people who are the oppressors, the occupiers call themselves victims .. how is this possible?"

Yet it seems that it is possible.We, the occupiers, still see ourselves as victims because we grew up surrounded by people suffering from post traumatic stress who were never treated for this condition. Also we grew up surrounded by events that kept reinforcing our fears. It is hard to stop reacting from a fearful place when there are so many reasons in our part of the world that give our fears legitimacy. Yet to own our part in fueling this situation and to seek healing for our fears and traumas so we no longer play an active role in continuing this self destructive drama ...this is where our work, Ann's work and Dick's work can be so important and perhaps even life saving.

Beyond Words Women from Israel during Womenspeak Conference 2010 in Mobile, Alabama