Thirteen Days in Israel – Part V

March 11-13 – Our Three-Day Break in Nazareth

Many Westerners have such a skewed vision of Arabs. They are unbelievably helpful, generous, and very proud of their legendary hospitality.

After five days of intense work, we were happy to have a three-day break in the Arab town of Nazareth, graciously organized by our hosts, Silvi (Arab) and Varda (Jewish), two leaders from Beyond Words.

Some highlights: They took us for an incredible meal at an Arab restaurant. If you haven't eaten authentic Arab food, you are in for a treat. This was an upscale restaurant -- the kind of place you might find in New York or LA -- that served local fresh foods. I had a beautiful salad and a mouthwatering lamb dish, both of which were delicious.

We also went sightseeing and saw the Church of the Annunciation, a church built over the cave where Mary, while collecting water, received a message from God that she was going to be a mother. They had built a shrine around the cave entrance, which you could still walk past. The church was a grand structure with an enormous dome circled by giant stained-glass panels contributed by many different countries. All of the panels depicted the theme of the angel Gabriel coming down from heaven to tell the Virgin Mary that she'd been chosen to bear the son of God. I was dazzled by how different all the windows were, and how they highlighted the diversity of human beings and the human spirit in an exquisite way. The church was so different from any I have ever seen, and its breathtaking beauty made me cry.

Another treat during our three-day rest was our visit to a spice vendor. Like everything in Nazareth, it was in an ancient building. You went downstairs into this basement through an open door. When you step into the first of three rooms, your senses came alive. Every inch of the place was filled with spices, teas, dried fruits, nuts, and seeds. The vendor was a kind and open-hearted man who, like every Arab I met, was so generous and so eager to show us his store, and to offer us tastes and samples of everything. Many Westerners have such a skewed vision of Arabs. They are unbelievably helpful, generous, and very proud of their legendary hospitality. When you are their guest, they feed you and tend to your every need and make you feel honored and well cared for. Fiercely proud of their cultural tradition of hospitality, they want everyone to know that the terrorist-stereotype is not who they are.

We talked with him for quite some time, and he was happy to listen and to answer our questions. He told us about the spices and how he doesn't sell anything from other places, that everything in his shop was locally grown and made. I pointed to a small row of Coca-cola bottles on the shelf. "Except those," I said, jokingly. Oh no, he replied, those too. He told us that the women of Nazareth make a sweet, dark, brown syrup that is used to treat just about anything that ails you. On closer examination, I saw that these bottles weren't filled with soda pop. Of course, he gave me a bottle to try. "It cures everything," he told me.

Anna and I relished every moment of our break in Nazareth. This was the end of Anna's part of the trip. After our stay in Silvi's home, we said goodbye to Anna. I am always amazed at the healing power of rest and rejuvenation. I felt a great sense of renewal and clarity at the end of those three days, and was ready to forge on to the next group that awaited us.

Thirteen Days in Israel – Part IV

March 10-11 -- 2-Day Workshop in Nes Ammim

"You can't work on peace alone. You need your enemy in order to create peace."

Anna and I spent March 10 and 11 at Nes Ammim, a Christian kibbutz. We worked with a big group of Jewish, Arab Palestinian, Bedouin, and Druse women from all over the country who had done a lot of profound emotional work previously with the Beyond Words organization. Most of these women had worked with me in the past, so we were able to get to a deeper level right away. At this retreat were also Silvi, Nitsan, and Nurit, three leaders from Beyond Words.

Silvi became the catalyst for everyone's emotions on day one. Silvi, whose brother and brother-in-law had recently been killed in a factory accident, began expressing her grief and outrage. The factory where they both worked had blown up due to dangerous conditions that had not been addressed by the employer. She was in tons of grief, so I brought her out in the middle of the room, where she began screaming and kicking. The whole room exploded -- everybody was sobbing. It felt like an ancient wailing circle.

Afterwards, Nitsan came into an emotional place where she was kicking and screaming and saying that it was too much pain to bear -- all this pain happening all at once. I explained to her and to the group why it's not necessary to have a controlled process where everything is explained and understood. When we let our feelings take over, it gives everyone an opportunity to experience their deepest feelings. When this happens, it's as if there's pain that simply needs to emerge and come through the group. By allowing ourselves to be used that way, something gets processed in the room. It goes beyond one person telling a story and having it be tied up into a neat package.

Nurit said the experience in a moment like that is one of profound unity. Separateness melts away and we become one whole room, together. The entire group was mourning with Silvi, allowing the pain of the world to flow through them. In that moment, who's Arab and who's a Jew, who's a friend and who's not -- all separations melted away.

The next day at Nes Ammim, there was a Bedouin woman who had been frightened by the work of the previous day. We got her talking, and she ended up telling us the story of her life. She had been through hell. At 17, she'd married her husband, who was abusive and separated her from everyone she knew. Now she was in her 60s. It was amazing for her and for us, because she was someone who really hadn't had a voice. As she told her story, she started feeling so good. We could see her become empowered. We were all having so much fun listening to her, and she was hysterically funny giving us advice about sex.

In the afternoon session, the issues and involvement of the Arab women emerged. One woman was obviously having a hard time with the process, and was saying to everyone in the room, "Things are getting worse! Things are so bad for my children. They are suffering." She implored the Jewish women to go out and make different choices, take different actions that would make a difference in her children's lives. "Don't just hear me," she said. "Do something different." We all held her.

Another Arab woman, who had not been to any Beyond Words workshops for a while, stood up and expressed anger at Nitsan for the way she leads. I said to her, "You're angry with Nitsan, but you need to step into leadership. You have to be a leader." She said she was afraid, and explained, "I'm so sick of being outnumbered. I feel so alone." She said whenever she joined a group to do work on peace, "There's always two Jews to every Arab wherever I go. I'm always outnumbered." She started screaming at the other Arab women too. "Come stand with me! I need your help!" Silvi was sobbing, and said, "I've been waiting for you to come back here, sister." Then the Jewish women came and stood around to support the Arab women. It was another profound moment of connection, unity, and shared intentions. The Arab women were saying that they wanted to work together again and be part of things and there was going to have to be some way that they needed to do things differently together. They said they wanted to make things work. At least momentarily, it was a reconciliation between the woman who had now come back and the Beyond Words leaders.

Her message and that of the other Arab women came out loud and clear: Here's all our rage and anger and here's what made it hard for us. Here's what we need in order to continue this work. I'm so afraid to do it alone, I need your help.

When a group gets to places like that, what comes out is the need for help and mutual support. People who are working on peace can't do it without their enemies. You can't work on peace alone. You need each other. I can't do this without you, is the message. I need my enemy in order to create peace.