March 10-11 -- 2-Day Workshop in Nes Ammim
"You can't work on peace alone. You need your enemy in order to create peace."
Anna and I spent March 10 and 11 at Nes Ammim, a Christian kibbutz. We worked with a big group of Jewish, Arab Palestinian, Bedouin, and Druse women from all over the country who had done a lot of profound emotional work previously with the Beyond Words organization. Most of these women had worked with me in the past, so we were able to get to a deeper level right away. At this retreat were also Silvi, Nitsan, and Nurit, three leaders from Beyond Words.
Silvi became the catalyst for everyone's emotions on day one. Silvi, whose brother and brother-in-law had recently been killed in a factory accident, began expressing her grief and outrage. The factory where they both worked had blown up due to dangerous conditions that had not been addressed by the employer. She was in tons of grief, so I brought her out in the middle of the room, where she began screaming and kicking. The whole room exploded -- everybody was sobbing. It felt like an ancient wailing circle.
Afterwards, Nitsan came into an emotional place where she was kicking and screaming and saying that it was too much pain to bear -- all this pain happening all at once. I explained to her and to the group why it's not necessary to have a controlled process where everything is explained and understood. When we let our feelings take over, it gives everyone an opportunity to experience their deepest feelings. When this happens, it's as if there's pain that simply needs to emerge and come through the group. By allowing ourselves to be used that way, something gets processed in the room. It goes beyond one person telling a story and having it be tied up into a neat package.
Nurit said the experience in a moment like that is one of profound unity. Separateness melts away and we become one whole room, together. The entire group was mourning with Silvi, allowing the pain of the world to flow through them. In that moment, who's Arab and who's a Jew, who's a friend and who's not -- all separations melted away.
The next day at Nes Ammim, there was a Bedouin woman who had been frightened by the work of the previous day. We got her talking, and she ended up telling us the story of her life. She had been through hell. At 17, she'd married her husband, who was abusive and separated her from everyone she knew. Now she was in her 60s. It was amazing for her and for us, because she was someone who really hadn't had a voice. As she told her story, she started feeling so good. We could see her become empowered. We were all having so much fun listening to her, and she was hysterically funny giving us advice about sex.
In the afternoon session, the issues and involvement of the Arab women emerged. One woman was obviously having a hard time with the process, and was saying to everyone in the room, "Things are getting worse! Things are so bad for my children. They are suffering." She implored the Jewish women to go out and make different choices, take different actions that would make a difference in her children's lives. "Don't just hear me," she said. "Do something different." We all held her.
Another Arab woman, who had not been to any Beyond Words workshops for a while, stood up and expressed anger at Nitsan for the way she leads. I said to her, "You're angry with Nitsan, but you need to step into leadership. You have to be a leader." She said she was afraid, and explained, "I'm so sick of being outnumbered. I feel so alone." She said whenever she joined a group to do work on peace, "There's always two Jews to every Arab wherever I go. I'm always outnumbered." She started screaming at the other Arab women too. "Come stand with me! I need your help!" Silvi was sobbing, and said, "I've been waiting for you to come back here, sister." Then the Jewish women came and stood around to support the Arab women. It was another profound moment of connection, unity, and shared intentions. The Arab women were saying that they wanted to work together again and be part of things and there was going to have to be some way that they needed to do things differently together. They said they wanted to make things work. At least momentarily, it was a reconciliation between the woman who had now come back and the Beyond Words leaders.
Her message and that of the other Arab women came out loud and clear: Here's all our rage and anger and here's what made it hard for us. Here's what we need in order to continue this work. I'm so afraid to do it alone, I need your help.
When a group gets to places like that, what comes out is the need for help and mutual support. People who are working on peace can't do it without their enemies. You can't work on peace alone. You need each other. I can't do this without you, is the message. I need my enemy in order to create peace.
